"Geronimoooooooooooooooo!"

Ah, this glorious bail out! What can I say.

I've never been a financial genius, my bank statements and net worth can attest to that.

However, I kind of thought the whole point of capitalism was to reward success?

Black Magic Bat (Woman)

This is Johan Santana's Black Magic Bat "trick" from last night's game. Enjoy!

10,000

As the venerable Bruce Campbell once said; "All right you primitive screw-heads, listen up!"


At precisely 9:33 AM yesterday morning, September 21st, 2008, White In Bay Ridge drunkenly staggered over the 10,000 unique visitor mark, knocking stuff off of the walls and generally making a mess as it bounded into the internet's hallowed trophy room into its rightful place on high, after first collapsing onto the floor. This grand feat was accomplished in a mere 8 months of existence. Not too shabby, I'd say.

In light of last night's Emmy Awards, which I, in fact, did not watch, I would like to give an entirely self-indulgent "acceptance" speech, right here on this very post.

First, wow, I can't believe it! I want to thank God for making this all possible, I couldn't have done it without you, big guy! To my management team, who worked so hard to get the word out these past few months, thanks! I couldn't have done it without yooz guyz! Oh! Of course, I have to thank Alec Baldwin for the doughnuts he brought for the green room, attaboy, chief!
All this hard work, and dedication...ok...maybe not a whole lot of dedication...and now that I think of it, there's really no hard work that goes into it, either. Ok. All the lazy plagiarizing and stream-of-consciousness typing that goes into this blog, wow! All I can say is that today...today it all seems...worth it.

Now I have something.
Now I have...a legacy.

This is Bay Ridge Calling....

Screenshot of Gothamist's Map

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Bay Ridge and all ships at sea!
Late news breaking, this just in!

Apparently Bay Ridge has become Brownsville overnight.


Well, ok. Maybe it's not that bad, but there sure was some activity going on between the dinner and twilight hours last night!

Since a large portion of my traffic comes from the BR Rover (almost as much as I get from pervs googling for pics of Sarah Palin...keep it in your pants, Roger!), You probably already know about the rape incident on 94th and Fort Hamilton Parkway.

And, if you're intrepid enough to read these blogs, I'm sure you've caught wind of the home invasion robberies (two in one night) as illustrated in the Gothamist map above; first on 87th and Colonial Rd., then again at 96th off of 3rd avenue just a few hours later.

Oh, and speaking of Sarah Palin, who is every sexually frustrated conservative's blue-balled wet dream - her personal (and since deleted) Yahoo! email was hacked, explored, and picked apart like a chicken at the West Indian Day Parade by a couple of yobs over at the "ha-ha funny" site known as 4chan.

This is all very interesting, since Yahoo! email addresses aren't subject to the same archiving and scrutiny that her official ".gov" email would be, which leads to speculation surrounding the possible chatter that took place there in relation to her Troopergate scandal, among other things.

Oh, and Bristol's cell phone # was found in the inbox, and some dopes tried calling it. Come on guys, she's 17.



Wait a year.

Muslim Massacre: Video Game causes uproar

I thought this was somewhat topical, considering the makeup of a large population of our Bay Ridge brethren (and/or sistren).

Apparently, a user of the forums for the satirical SomethingAwful.com website has created and released a video game entitled Muslim Massacre. The purpose of the game is to, well, massacre digital Muslims as an American who is dropped into the Middle East with a cache of weapons. The game is available as a free download.

Like most shoot'em'up games of this nature, as you progress, you have to face "bosses" in order to advance to the next level - in this game, that means you'll have to fight Osama Bin Laden, Mohamed, and finally, Allah himself.

Naturally, the story came out on the eve of September 11th.

Bow Your Heads

All political and religious differences aside, this is a day to remember the nearly 3,000 people who simply went to work in 2001 and never came home, many of whom lived in or had ties to Bay Ridge.

Sexy Sarah is the greatest of them all.

I know you've all been wondering where I've been. Well, that's a story for another time.

Today, I want to talk about Sarah Palin. Oh, that Sarah Palin. That babe. That minx. That fox. Those gubernatorial gams, those luscious hockey-mom lips. Apparently she's got some ideas too. I think that's where we start to run into problems.

However, Sarah, you're every political nerd's librarian/milf fantasy.

Sarah, honey - you're crazy. Bat-shit insane, but I love you. You know you were chosen to out-rockstar the rockstar that is Barack Obama, right? You exist on the ticket in order to get the rescucsitation going on the old man's campaign...you're there to get the blood going in those stodgy old men who didn't think McCain was conservative enough. That's it. You're on the ticket to sway dissapointed Hillary voters into voting Republican, even though the only thing you and Hillary share is the lack of a Y chromosome.

You're the foil to McCain's nursing home image - the old man at the end of the bar at the VFW complaining about all the "damn kids on their damn skateboards", and the "darkies" in the neighborhood that weren't here in 1956 when he left for basic training. That guy.


I could picture McCain becoming president and having some age-relative issue leaving him unable to fulfill some of his duties, or even carry out his elected term. Then, my dear, that'd put you at the helm of the country. You'd have a meeting in Saudi Arabia, flashing those legs like there's no tomorrow, trying to pry more oil from our "friends" who knocked down our buildings a few years ago. I could see that, the international incident it would cause...the legs that launched a thousand RPGs...oh, Sarah.

Another difference we have, Sarah - and why we could never work - I don't trust fundamentalists, whether they be of the Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or Smurf variety. I think you are all loony, heads in the clouds, off the deep end. A President's concerns should be on the Earth, where the country is - not in the Heavens where nothing is.

Whitey out.