Goodbye, Farewell and Amen

It is with a heavy heart that I announce the closing of yet another Bay Ridge blog – this time, it’s my own. As Roy Hawkins first proclaimed in some recording studio out in California in 1951, “The Thrill is Gone”. I am committing internet harakiri; self-immolation, falling onto my own sword, throwing in the towel, dying with my boots on, doing the unstuck. Alright, so the last one is just the title of a song by The Cure, but it sounded like it fit in with the rest.

I never fully realized the vision I had for this enterprise when I started it last winter. I had originally planned to bring you more interesting and regular features, but the reality of my laziness set in and ultimately those plans were scrapped. It is nice to dream though, isn’t it?

The vision included the eventual formation of my own media empire, complete with my own sitcom and ultimately a movie based off the sitcom based off of this blog. I was almost able to taste the caviar I’d buy with all the cash made from the merchandising and the franchised WIBR-themed restaurants and theme parks…Christ, what a scam that would have been!

Cry not for me, Bay Ridgites - I stand before you today as a proud man. I'm proud to have accomplished a secondary goal of mine, which is what the blog ultimately became – a place to leave my snarkiness as a thing of public record. So in that regard, I was successful. Top o’ the world, Ma.

Instead of mourning my passing, remember me for what I was - a warm, glowing beacon in the foggy, murky ocean that is the internet. I fought for your rights, and I made you laugh. I poked fun at things that deserved it, and some that didn't. I introduced you to new music, and brought back memories of some music you'd forgotten. Most of all, I spoke highly of myself, and almost believed it, too.


Anyway, before moving on to bigger and better things; to greener pastures; to the great gig in the sky; and before I leave you in the capable hands The Phantom, Lefty, the Journal, and whomever else I am forgetting, I will leave you with an old Irish blessing (which I just made up):

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May your days be filled with merry,
And may you all have loads of craic.

And may your cereal ne’er be soggy (or boggy, for that matter).

Bhi craic agus ceol againn.


Peace and chicken grease,
WIBR

Tip for the Day: February 3rd, 2009

Everything is better with Italian dressing.

What's the Poop? Bay Ridge Speaks:

Reflections on Jeff (Can't) Kent

With Jeff Kent recently announcing his retirement from baseball, I felt like sharing a memory of a day I had one rainy spring almost 14 years ago. If you are ignorant of the man or his career, Kent is Major League Baseball's record holder for most homeruns hit by a second baseman (377), a 5 time all-star, and owns the reputation of being a notoriously difficult teammate. He will most likely be a first ballot Hall-of-Famer when eligible for that honor.

For all the negativity written about Kent, and maybe it's deserved - he was great when I met him in 1995.

It was just after the player's strike, and the Mets held a 'Baseball for a Buck' promotion against the Cardinals. My friend and I took the train out from Brooklyn only to watch the Mets get crushed by the Cards for $1.

After the game, we went to the right field gate to get some autographs. Only Kent, Todd Hundley (who, in true Southern fashion, said 'I'll sign anything you want, just don't touch my *battered, old, dumpy truck'), and Bobby Jones stopped to sign stuff for us.

Bobby Bonilla tore out of the gate and right past us in his Porsche, as if anyone was waiting for him anyway, while Brett Saberhagen legitimately tried to intimidate the small crowd by speeding towards us and slamming the brakes of his Suburban mere feet away, just because someone yelled "alcoholic!" towards him as he walked towards the parking area. I thought it was a perfectly legitimate insult, but I suppose everyone's a critic, huh?

It was drizzling out, and when I asked Kent to sign the cover of my program, he asked if I'd prefer for him to sign the scorecard in the middle, since it was raining. Compared to some of the other guys on that team, Kent was alright.

*Added by WIBR. Hundley seemed very proud of this truck. Who cares, the dude could hit homers.

An Historic Day for America

And so with a new year, comes a new President.

I'd decided to mostly stay out of this one - watching others wretch back and forth over the last few months has been entirely too much fun (and time consuming).

This inauguration feels different, though. I haven't noticed much in the way of a middle ground between voters - You're probably elated at the result and the dawn of a new era, so much so that you want to pass out, or you're completely pissed due to the fact you think this guy is going to force you to speak Russian and force you to give all your money to your unemployed brother-in-law who sleeps on your couch, eating all your Cheetos while you're hard at work protecting America, one blog comment at a time.

Truth is, life ain't gonna be much different than it is now, Bay Ridge. If you really wanted change - you should have listened to me back when I endorsed the ideal candidate.

I love Rip Torn

Explanation Here

A Devastated Neighborhood asks "Where is the Rover?"

The Bay Ridge Rover, The internet's #1 source for all things Bay Ridge (served with a slice of disgust), has gone AWOL. There hasn't been a post since November 19th, and people have started to freak the fuck out.

One out-of-touch whackjob dedicated follower said:

est-RANGED Rover said...

... I'd check this thing 2, 3, 4times a day!!!! This was my 1010WINS of blogs. I wanted to read about the bank robberys, the burglar being caught, the 86 street construction.....ROVER-where are you????? Bayridge.com BLOWS. Same old 5 people chatting about B.S. and that prick moderator deleting your postsfor NO reason.

December 03, 2008 11:06 PM

Inquiries to the Rover's posted email address have yet to yield any returns on the response front; it seems as though nobody's home at Rover HQ.

Could it be that he has received a cease-and-desist order from on high?

Was the Rover hit by an express bus?

Worse yet - could Richard Martin's death squads be to blame for his disappearance?

Only time will tell.

Bay Ridge Rover - if you are out there, if you are reading this - please come back. Your public hungers for more news on Marty Golden's shopping habits - and for the love of God, what is the status on der Spite Haus??

Bay Ridge begs you to return, Rover.

Your flock is lost without its shepherd.